Nothing is out of reach with GOD.

What do you long for?  That was the topic at bible study last night.  I thought I knew the answer to that question but as I left bible study my thoughts were full and my heart heavy.  I answered the question with photography.  I long to have a career in photography.  A girlfriend said " yes but you have that, so it's not really a longing."  A longing is something that is out of reach.  In a way I have that but it is kind of out of reach for me.  I have chosen to be a stay at home mom and to some this may not be true but to me it's my job.  I run the household and raise my babies, I wouldn't trade it for the world.  The Lord, my husband, our kids, and soon ministry will be our life.  So for now in this season photography is still a longing, a hobby, a dream.  But as I thought about my longing I realized my true longing is to be healthy and live a long life here on earth.  I have been struggling with this a lot lately.  The fear of dying has crept into my head.  It has been in the back of my mind ever since I went to the hospital.  The thought of going to heaven should be so exciting, meeting the Lord face to face, and it is to me but there is also a flip side.  I fear not growing old with my husband, not raising my children, and not being here to watch them get married and have babies of their own.  It scares me very much.  I feel convicted over this feeling, I know it leaves the Lord longing for my full heart and that {fear} is my flesh.

So what am I going to do about this, how can I use my longings to glorify the Lord and live a life for HIM here on earth?  Well first off I am going to stop worrying and start living.  Yesterday Ryden learned to ride his bike without training wheels, such a big moment for a little kid.  A moment that I am oh so grateful I got to witness.  The kind of moments I am longing for here on earth and God gave me the opportunity to store up that smile on my sons face forever.

The second thing I am going to do is use my love for photography as a tool to glorify the Lord.  I want to view things in life through a lens, but not any lens, how about the lens of the Father.  Start looking at life and it's seasons as the Lord would look at it.  Finding the best in every situation and let the hard ones mold my character to be more Christ like.  Keep all the images and moments He takes me through as testimonies of HIS love and grace for me.  I shared with the group last night another longing in my life but really in my husband's life is to be a Worship Pastor.  He wants it so bad and this season of waiting on the Lord to provide a job in the ministry has been hard.  As we have gone from church to church for interviews we found ourselves as "evaluators," I mean in a way that's what we were there to do, evaluate the church to see if this was a place we would fit in and be able to call home.  But were we evaluating the right things or were we comparing it to the mega church we had just been a part of for 9 months.  A church that had an amazing children's ministry, great discipleship, over the top worship, a wonderful Pastor, the list goes on and on.  This is something our home pastor warned us about.  Sometimes its hard to leave a mega church and settle back into a small church, the dynamics are very different but not bad.  Jason and I have came to the conclusion that no matter what church we are at we need to love like the Lord and see like the Lord, only then can we evaluate everything as the Lord would, with LOVE and GRACE.  I want to evaluate every situation as an opportunity to use our longing to magnify God.   Evaluation doesn't have to be a negative thing, whenever God is in the equation it should always positive.

Nicole Johnson writes " There can be great contentment in simply longing for something with a peace that trusts in the ultimate fulfillment."

Photography, health, but most of all a life that magnifies God, these are my longings.  Longings that I know the Lord will meet if I chose to live for Him.  Because after all HE longs for me;)


Popular Posts