Sunday, July 29, 2012

Boy OH Boy.

BOY; dirty face, bike crash scratch, car lover, messy hair, melts Mommy's heart.

This kid may test my patience on daily basis but I just love him to pieces.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Nothing is out of reach with GOD.

What do you long for?  That was the topic at bible study last night.  I thought I knew the answer to that question but as I left bible study my thoughts were full and my heart heavy.  I answered the question with photography.  I long to have a career in photography.  A girlfriend said " yes but you have that, so it's not really a longing."  A longing is something that is out of reach.  In a way I have that but it is kind of out of reach for me.  I have chosen to be a stay at home mom and to some this may not be true but to me it's my job.  I run the household and raise my babies, I wouldn't trade it for the world.  The Lord, my husband, our kids, and soon ministry will be our life.  So for now in this season photography is still a longing, a hobby, a dream.  But as I thought about my longing I realized my true longing is to be healthy and live a long life here on earth.  I have been struggling with this a lot lately.  The fear of dying has crept into my head.  It has been in the back of my mind ever since I went to the hospital.  The thought of going to heaven should be so exciting, meeting the Lord face to face, and it is to me but there is also a flip side.  I fear not growing old with my husband, not raising my children, and not being here to watch them get married and have babies of their own.  It scares me very much.  I feel convicted over this feeling, I know it leaves the Lord longing for my full heart and that {fear} is my flesh.

So what am I going to do about this, how can I use my longings to glorify the Lord and live a life for HIM here on earth?  Well first off I am going to stop worrying and start living.  Yesterday Ryden learned to ride his bike without training wheels, such a big moment for a little kid.  A moment that I am oh so grateful I got to witness.  The kind of moments I am longing for here on earth and God gave me the opportunity to store up that smile on my sons face forever.

The second thing I am going to do is use my love for photography as a tool to glorify the Lord.  I want to view things in life through a lens, but not any lens, how about the lens of the Father.  Start looking at life and it's seasons as the Lord would look at it.  Finding the best in every situation and let the hard ones mold my character to be more Christ like.  Keep all the images and moments He takes me through as testimonies of HIS love and grace for me.  I shared with the group last night another longing in my life but really in my husband's life is to be a Worship Pastor.  He wants it so bad and this season of waiting on the Lord to provide a job in the ministry has been hard.  As we have gone from church to church for interviews we found ourselves as "evaluators," I mean in a way that's what we were there to do, evaluate the church to see if this was a place we would fit in and be able to call home.  But were we evaluating the right things or were we comparing it to the mega church we had just been a part of for 9 months.  A church that had an amazing children's ministry, great discipleship, over the top worship, a wonderful Pastor, the list goes on and on.  This is something our home pastor warned us about.  Sometimes its hard to leave a mega church and settle back into a small church, the dynamics are very different but not bad.  Jason and I have came to the conclusion that no matter what church we are at we need to love like the Lord and see like the Lord, only then can we evaluate everything as the Lord would, with LOVE and GRACE.  I want to evaluate every situation as an opportunity to use our longing to magnify God.   Evaluation doesn't have to be a negative thing, whenever God is in the equation it should always positive.

Nicole Johnson writes " There can be great contentment in simply longing for something with a peace that trusts in the ultimate fulfillment."

Photography, health, but most of all a life that magnifies God, these are my longings.  Longings that I know the Lord will meet if I chose to live for Him.  Because after all HE longs for me;)

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Don't get worked up about tomorrow...

Blessed beyond measure

Count your blessings whether they are small or big.  Never take for granted the little things like changing your babies diaper, getting yourself ready, or cooking dinner for your family.  These were the very things that seemed like day to day chores until I was physically unable to do them.  Convicted and redeemed! Thank you Jesus.

It was Sunday morning and I had moved to the couch around 3:00am after two little people crawled into my side of the bed and had me sleeping on the edge.  A few hours later I remember waking up to a sharp pain in the back of my head which was no surprise as these headaches were the new normal for me for the past 30 days.  As I sat up the room began to spin, I attempted to walk but failed, my heart raced as sweat began to drip of my forehead. The left side of my body turned numb and words were hard to get out as I asked my husband to call 911.  He tried to put me in the shower but then realized something was really wrong with me when I couldn't stand on my own and began to get sick.  The next thing I knew he had me in the car racing to the ER.  I am not really a fan of doctors, hospitals, medicine, as I live more of a natural lifestyle completely opposite of this scene.  Don't get me wrong those doctors, hospital, and iv's were a complete blessing in my time of need I just avoid them whenever possible but this time that was NOT possible.  After four days in the hospital, lots prayers, MRIs, CT scans, and close observation they let me go home with no explanation.  I seem to think I put a lot maybe too much stress on my body, robbed myself of lots of B vitamins plus other stuff, and worked my blood pressure up higher than my body could handle.  You see the past month was stressful REALLY stressful.  We moved from Colorado to California and not even a week later were faced with a decision whether we were gonna move to Michigan or not. I know those things may seem small to some people but they were a lot for me, too much all at one time.

Through this process the Lord showed me something great.  Matthew 6:34 (the message) "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow.  God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

You see I was so busy worry about what was gonna happen tomorrow that I wasn't living in today, trusting in the Lord.  I wasn't sleeping, I cried a lot, I worried about how the decision would affect family and friends.  Yes I prayed and sought the Lord in our decision about Michigan but I still worried about it.  That's not trusting God.   It took me getting admitted to the hospital and laying in a hospital bed to realize the peace and comfort that came from trusting in the Lord about TODAY.  This is because in that moment I knew I was in God's hands, he had full control of the situation and I could do nothing but have faith and trust in Him.  He told me he was gonna heal me and He is! After I left that hospital I prayed and prayed that the peace and comfort I felt when I was there wouldn't go away, and it hasn't.  I have been proactive to put things in my body that will help keep it healthy but all the glory goes to the Lord.

God is

I am so blessed to be taking care of my kids again, riding our bicycles as a family, cooking, doing laundry, driving, enjoying sunsets, living for today!

Today was a super blessed day for me.  I got to spend the day with my kids, sister, and nieces and nephews. We packed a lunch, gathered our sand toys, and headed up the hill. I am so grateful for this day the Lord has given me.  Sweet memories stored up forever!

 Singing songs in the outdoor amphitheater

 Barefoot in the cool water and sand between my toes.

 Summer fun.

 Cutie Pie.

 Sippin Cali Tea from my favorite mason jar tumbler
This tea has helped me tremendously by the way.  It is expensive but so are hospital visits.

 Sweet niece of mine.

 Handsome rock climber.